Thursday, September 27, 2012

regrouping ... with a purpose.

so... its finally getting close to time to leave...I really havent been very inspired to create anything in arizona... Ive been here since april of 2011, so a little more than a year and a half.  With that being said, I have discovered a lot of things. Mainly about myself, but also about society as a whole.  I am stubborn. this has been a blessing and a curse .... on the plus side I didnt quit school even though I have sincerely hated parts of it, and on the bad side, it is indeed a problematic thing for relationships of any kind.  I also now know why I don't like arizona. Its too much like southern california.... you know... where you live close to so many people yet you dont know any of them. I miss the feel of belonging to a community. I am thankful that I got to experience that both in kentucky and in new mexico. 

School is by no means "finished" .. I plan on continuing school in new mexico if I can.. and either finish my engineering design classes or take up some additional stuff leaning in the direction of design/fabricating.  I realize the 19 months spent at Motorcycle Mechanics Institute, was more like a introduction to something .... kinda feels like I didnt learn enough. inspiration comes in wierd forms. I NEED more information/skills ... Im hoping that all of that end of things will work out.

I realise i need a "real" job in new mexico, so I have applied for a few tech spots, as well as a few cafes and americorps. I know that those all seem very far apart from each other ... but it might just work for me. 

I really want to sew and still make amazing things, but I seem to be more successful at it when there are no expectations... so for now im not calling it employment. .. we shall see.
In the past 19 months I have really discovered some things about me... heres a few of the honest easy ones i discovered:
I really like clean houses. I dont like disorganization. I still love legos. I am stubborn. I refuse to quit. ...sometimes when I should.  I enjoy good books good coffee and good company at home. I no longer love starbucks. I dont like parties. I dont like it when people question my morals. I hate being put on the spot. and I really dont like people who simply pretend to like you because it "makes it easier".  I try to be as real as possible without hurting others. I kinda like being alone. and most of all I have discovered that I will always love being poor(ish) and independent, rather than having too much money and reliant on someone else. 

Since May I have been packing slowly and decided I really didnt need so much stuff that i just dont use. I found an amazing friend, who loves scrapbooking but really couldnt afford all these gadgets and stamps and such ... it made it really easy to just say oh  I have a box or two for you... I know that kind of stuff I cant afford to replace, but why keep it if Im never gonna use it! Im actually happy to no longer have to store it move it and store it again. sometimes simple is better.

I have dwindeled my personal possesions down to a pile of boxes (ready to move again!) ... I do mean SMALL.. its funny actually ... I still have all the things I thought were important... just less random things that i really didnt need.  and sure someday I may say oh I wish I had a orange stamppad and a stamp that can make stripes.... but Im doubting it will be anytime soon :) 

Im excited to be finished with school. and a little scared to be moving back to new mexico to make a new start with my kiddo and my best friend. Its so simple to explain but so hard at the same time.  I have no idea what will happen... but i guess I will let ya know when I know.


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