so... its finally getting close to time to leave...I really havent been very inspired to create anything in arizona... Ive been here since april of 2011, so a little more than a year and a half. With that being said, I have discovered a lot of things. Mainly about myself, but also about society as a whole. I am stubborn. this has been a blessing and a curse .... on the plus side I didnt quit school even though I have sincerely hated parts of it, and on the bad side, it is indeed a problematic thing for relationships of any kind. I also now know why I don't like arizona. Its too much like southern california.... you know... where you live close to so many people yet you dont know any of them. I miss the feel of belonging to a community. I am thankful that I got to experience that both in kentucky and in new mexico.
School is by no means "finished" .. I plan on continuing school in new mexico if I can.. and either finish my engineering design classes or take up some additional stuff leaning in the direction of design/fabricating. I realize the 19 months spent at Motorcycle Mechanics Institute, was more like a introduction to something .... kinda feels like I didnt learn enough. inspiration comes in wierd forms. I NEED more information/skills ... Im hoping that all of that end of things will work out.
I realise i need a "real" job in new mexico, so I have applied for a few tech spots, as well as a few cafes and americorps. I know that those all seem very far apart from each other ... but it might just work for me.
I really want to sew and still make amazing things, but I seem to be more successful at it when there are no expectations... so for now im not calling it employment. .. we shall see.
In the past 19 months I have really discovered some things about me... heres a few of the honest easy ones i discovered:
I really like clean houses. I dont like disorganization. I still love legos. I am stubborn. I refuse to quit. ...sometimes when I should. I enjoy good books good coffee and good company at home. I no longer love starbucks. I dont like parties. I dont like it when people question my morals. I hate being put on the spot. and I really dont like people who simply pretend to like you because it "makes it easier". I try to be as real as possible without hurting others. I kinda like being alone. and most of all I have discovered that I will always love being poor(ish) and independent, rather than having too much money and reliant on someone else.
Since May I have been packing slowly and decided I really didnt need so much stuff that i just dont use. I found an amazing friend, who loves scrapbooking but really couldnt afford all these gadgets and stamps and such ... it made it really easy to just say oh I have a box or two for you... I know that kind of stuff I cant afford to replace, but why keep it if Im never gonna use it! Im actually happy to no longer have to store it move it and store it again. sometimes simple is better.
I have dwindeled my personal possesions down to a pile of boxes (ready to move again!) ... I do mean SMALL.. its funny actually ... I still have all the things I thought were important... just less random things that i really didnt need. and sure someday I may say oh I wish I had a orange stamppad and a stamp that can make stripes.... but Im doubting it will be anytime soon :)
Im excited to be finished with school. and a little scared to be moving back to new mexico to make a new start with my kiddo and my best friend. Its so simple to explain but so hard at the same time. I have no idea what will happen... but i guess I will let ya know when I know.
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
second chances
I sit here and laugh as I write this one out for you....
Last year around thanksgiving I met these "hippie kids" Jordan & Rick and their dog Vagrant while we were in town, and since it was cold and nasty out we decided to invite them home for the day for showers and a meal... they ended up staying for about a week! They cooked me awesome food, pitched in where they could, built a dog house and helped move the entire front porch when the pipes froze and suddenly had to get fixed. It was a crazy week to say the least. Anyhow, after being helpful and having a good break they headed south to Texas to help out with hurricane house repairs.
In the last few months, there have been quite a few new faces in our town. Knowing that the national rainbow gathering is just outside of Taos this year, I'm certain that is the reason behind all the new faces... unless its just for the sunshine. At any rate, this has all led me to think about Jordan, Rick, and Vagrant (the dog who tried to eat my neighbors chihuahua). As many of my friends know from experience, there are some people that you just don't ever meet again and your paths don't re-cross. I seem to have decent luck however, and often run into people that I knew years ago, and lost touch with.
So being my usual snide obnoxious sarcastic self.... I am driving down the road talking with Kindel in the very dirty jeep as usual... and I say "there's some dirty ass white trash hippies for ya"... and as we pass I hear them yell out Kindel's name. It didn't really surprise me, yet when I realised who it actually was I indeed was surprised. I always thought that Jordan the happy dread-locked kid would return to New Mexico because he loved it... Rick on the other hand seemed more like a destination type of guy... like he just wanted to get to where he was heading.
We pull over to wait and see who is gonna walk up to the jeep.. low and behold it is Rick (the helpful one). His story is interesting, yet so casual and seems like could happen to anyone. He got divorced, lost his company that he started, felt like his world fell apart, his wife kept his kids (he had a record and couldn't get full custody), he hit the road to go out west to start over. He shares with us how Jordan called home to find out that one of his ex's has a little girl she claims is his... just like that his life changes over night.... a haircut and a bus ticket and him and Vagrant have a family and a home. A second chance.
Rick ditches the kids he was walking with and ask us how we are, we go out to coffee... he is honest, yet clear that things arent perfect. He isn't afraid to trust us, and knows that we wont judge him for anything. We visit
and see that to him we are still the same, through all of our ups and downs he sees it for what it is. Plain and clear that we all know where we stand, there is no room to take advantage of anyone. No question about the rules, and a great lack of expectations on any ones part. Its comfy, like an old friend.
I wonder about Rick. I wonder if he has tried to call his ex wife, his kids. I wonder if he is looking for a second chance too. I wonder if he will find work in Taos and settle here like he wants, or if he will just keep traveling on the road until its too late to change? Then again I wonder if there truly is a second chance for everyone...
Is a second chance granted regardless, or is it something you have to make for yourself? I suddenly think of my own life, and the crazy track I was heading down... and wonder where I would be had I never looked for a different direction to go. I wonder if I would just be some girl wandering until I re-found my old friends? I wonder why ..... why did I get a second chance? luck? destiny? prayer? faith? I don't know what it was, but I'm glad that I jumped at the chance... I spent too many years wasted in anger and hatred. Sure it all made me who I am... but those years could have been better used. There are no regrets here, simply thankfulness and hope.... Hope that my lost friends get that chance too, before they pass that point of no return.
Last year around thanksgiving I met these "hippie kids" Jordan & Rick and their dog Vagrant while we were in town, and since it was cold and nasty out we decided to invite them home for the day for showers and a meal... they ended up staying for about a week! They cooked me awesome food, pitched in where they could, built a dog house and helped move the entire front porch when the pipes froze and suddenly had to get fixed. It was a crazy week to say the least. Anyhow, after being helpful and having a good break they headed south to Texas to help out with hurricane house repairs.
In the last few months, there have been quite a few new faces in our town. Knowing that the national rainbow gathering is just outside of Taos this year, I'm certain that is the reason behind all the new faces... unless its just for the sunshine. At any rate, this has all led me to think about Jordan, Rick, and Vagrant (the dog who tried to eat my neighbors chihuahua). As many of my friends know from experience, there are some people that you just don't ever meet again and your paths don't re-cross. I seem to have decent luck however, and often run into people that I knew years ago, and lost touch with.
So being my usual snide obnoxious sarcastic self.... I am driving down the road talking with Kindel in the very dirty jeep as usual... and I say "there's some dirty ass white trash hippies for ya"... and as we pass I hear them yell out Kindel's name. It didn't really surprise me, yet when I realised who it actually was I indeed was surprised. I always thought that Jordan the happy dread-locked kid would return to New Mexico because he loved it... Rick on the other hand seemed more like a destination type of guy... like he just wanted to get to where he was heading.
We pull over to wait and see who is gonna walk up to the jeep.. low and behold it is Rick (the helpful one). His story is interesting, yet so casual and seems like could happen to anyone. He got divorced, lost his company that he started, felt like his world fell apart, his wife kept his kids (he had a record and couldn't get full custody), he hit the road to go out west to start over. He shares with us how Jordan called home to find out that one of his ex's has a little girl she claims is his... just like that his life changes over night.... a haircut and a bus ticket and him and Vagrant have a family and a home. A second chance.
Rick ditches the kids he was walking with and ask us how we are, we go out to coffee... he is honest, yet clear that things arent perfect. He isn't afraid to trust us, and knows that we wont judge him for anything. We visit
and see that to him we are still the same, through all of our ups and downs he sees it for what it is. Plain and clear that we all know where we stand, there is no room to take advantage of anyone. No question about the rules, and a great lack of expectations on any ones part. Its comfy, like an old friend.
I wonder about Rick. I wonder if he has tried to call his ex wife, his kids. I wonder if he is looking for a second chance too. I wonder if he will find work in Taos and settle here like he wants, or if he will just keep traveling on the road until its too late to change? Then again I wonder if there truly is a second chance for everyone...
Is a second chance granted regardless, or is it something you have to make for yourself? I suddenly think of my own life, and the crazy track I was heading down... and wonder where I would be had I never looked for a different direction to go. I wonder if I would just be some girl wandering until I re-found my old friends? I wonder why ..... why did I get a second chance? luck? destiny? prayer? faith? I don't know what it was, but I'm glad that I jumped at the chance... I spent too many years wasted in anger and hatred. Sure it all made me who I am... but those years could have been better used. There are no regrets here, simply thankfulness and hope.... Hope that my lost friends get that chance too, before they pass that point of no return.
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